Thursday, September 8, 2011

Open Adoption???

So Open Adoption can have twists and turns of emotions and feelings. I have felt that we've had a "wonderful" openness with Kaycee's BM. We have only had a couple moments of miscommunication but it was ironed out once we picked up the phone and stopped texting. We have had a great texting relationship. I told KBM that anytime she wanted an update or picture of Kaycee just to send me a text and I'd get one to her right away!! She did this quite a bit in the beginning and then I texted pics to her at least once a month if not once a week! We were writing/txting weekly and have had several visits. Our last visit was in May when she and Kaycee and I went to Sea World together. We had a great time! She made some comment there that she thought she might want to close the adoption when Kaycee is 5 years old-- no real reason but I just replied "Why don't you just wait and see how things go..." I got a beautiful text from her in July that read:
*** I Thank God everyday for sending me you guys for Kaycee. Cause as I'm going thru the things I'm dealing with in my life I'm glad she's not here to see me go thru them cause a child can detect when somethings wrong and that's how I want her you guys and have a good day.***
She called us to chat about a week later from a different phone number and said she was having phone problems. That's the last I've heard from her. OK so I know it doesn't sound like a long time but when we were texting weekly it seems like forever! I feel like a teenager wondering why my friend hasn't called. I even sent her sisters a text (yes I have their numbers too) and asked her to contact me-- one called me and I told her it wasn't anything bad but I needed to talk to her soon. She never called-- no text-- no email--- hummmm...
This adoptive mom who wasn't sure she could really "do an open adoption" is now sad she hasn't heard from her daughter's tummy mommy. She said she was coming to Kaycee's first birthday party-- I really hope she will. It's not until October 29th.
If not, I'm glad I made Kaycee a special "Tummy Mommy book" and I'm so glad I have lots of pictures of them together at birth and this recent one at Sea World. I faded out part of her face for her privacy.


  1. I so feel ya! This is one aspect to open adoption that I did not anticipate and when there's a lull in communication it just down right stinks! I hope you hear from her soon so your heart can rest easy and I hope that she's ok and doing well herself!

    Call me if you need to chat! I'm hear for ya!

  2. We went to an open adoption support group and heard similar stories from other adoptive parents. I know we long for an open adoption, but would have never have even considered it when we started our adoption journey. It's funny how God leads you to people who help to change your perspective on things. ;-)

  3. Hi, I just found your blog. We used BCS for our three infant adoptions and they vary in their openness. I feel the same way when I don't hear anything for a while from birth parents. I remind myself that it isn't me or the child. When contact resumes I find that they have either been dealing with other crises, been busy with other important pursuits, or have needed to give themselves some space.