Two Months Old

My Sweet Kaycee girl is Two Months Old today!!!!! She is really starting to smile and visually focus on us more! We had her birthmom over to our home on December 26th for dinner/ Christmas gathering. I never in a million years thought I'd have my adopted child's birth mother to our home-- "OMG she'll know where we live! Ahhhhh!!!" But really it's obviously nothing like that! Many people look at me strange when I tell them she came over and I know what they are thinking cuz heck I thought it too... We had a wonderful time and she is a delight. She was so sweet and brought clothes and a toy for Kaycee. We will see her again in January for Kaycee's Baptism. I expect our visits will decrease after that and slowly meld into our original agreement but I'm fine with how everything is going so far...
One thing I did not expect to feel was "adoptive parent guilt." I never even heard this term until I saw it posted on a friend's Facebook page. I had a bad case of it last week. KBM texted me and told me MTV's 16 and pregnant was doing a show on adoption. I watched it on my computer the next day and it really pulled on my heartstrings. I love KBM so much and my heart aches for her-- my happiness is her sadness and this makes me feel sad. Here's the link to that episode:
16 And Pregnant (Season 2) | Ep. 19 | Ashley

It's a long one but phew it's good to see the other side too. Well that's it for now!

One last post for today

I seem to post in bulk! Ha ha! I just wanted to share one more thing today. Before Kaycee was born I bought her this book as a baby book. I actually haven't written in it yet which is a good thing because just this week I found these books:




I absolutely love them and bought them for Kaycee! They are great for adopted kids but they don't have to be just for adoption which is why I love them! I saw them in Sam's Club but ended up buying from Amazon. I will be using The Wonder of You for Kaycee's first year baby book!! I'm actually glad it doesn't really go beyond there because I do digital scrap booking for the boys and often forget to go write stuff in their baby books! Who wants to double document anyway??

Christmas Letter & picture

OK maybe this will work-- cut and paste this link for our family Christmas letter:

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0Bx7OBldpxBVcNTEyYjYyZjYtZGYwMC00YzJlLTk1YjgtZTc1ZjQzYWIwY2E4&hl=en&authkey=CJ_Ir_4J

Kaycee's Birth Announcement

This is on one side and the other side says:

"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Kaycee Jaselle Weber was born on 10.29.10
and lovingly placed in our family 10.31.10
Chris, Kierstin & big brothers Luke & Zack


We included it with our Christmas cards this year! We also had a family letter I made on my Mac but haven't figured out how to put that on here... phooey!

Visit with Santa and KBM

We had a wonderful visit with Santa yesterday and got several great pictures! I texted KBM Monday night to see if she wanted to meet us b/c we would in her city (they have the BEST Santa Claus there!!). She replied yes and we had a super meeting! She got to meet Luke this time as she had met Zack last month. She was a big help since I was alone with the kids and the boys were wild!! They were so wound up after seeing Santa!! Anyhow, we talked about Christmas and Kaycee's Baptism in Jan or Feb (I haven't schedule it yet!). I invited her to the Baptism and asked her if she would like to come to our home the day after Christmas for a visit! She was so thrilled she cried! I got choked up myself and feel so good about making this a real Open Adoption. Who would've thought??? NOT ME!!! If you asked me 3 months ago if I thought I'd feel comfortable having our adoptive child's birth mother over to our home I would've said no but I'm so excited about the friendship we are building and I feel totally ok with this. Of course this was all discussed with my husband beforehand and I ran it by the director of our adoption agency who was thrilled about our relationship and the progress toward a fully open adoption! So that's the latest in a nut shell!!

Kaycee is one month old!!!

My little girl is one month old today! Wow! What a great and fast month it has been!
We have had weekly contact with her birthmom via texting and a few phone calls. I told KBM to text me anytime she wants and I can take a picture with my phone and send it right away. She is doing really well and I texted her last night to let her know we would be sending a large packet of pictures with a monthly update back to the office with the director today. We have our 1 month adoption check up with the director and her assistant today. I'm a little nervous because our house has been crazy busy this past week but I do know that they aren't coming in with a white glove to check everything! They want to see that Kaycee is well cared for and everything is going ok.
Kaycee is a great eater and sleeper and she loves her swing! We are so blessed! The boys are adjusting well... Zack our 3 year old is craving some more attention but that is to be expected. Luke our 4 year old is a great big brother and always helping out! I expect that we will see some smiles from our Kaycee this next month and I'm looking forward to that!! She is a real cuddle bug and bonding great!
This week we will be getting our Christmas decorations up and we hope to get the kids pictures with Santa this week or next! Kaycee has several Christmas outfits so we'll be taking lots of pictures this month!! Stay tuned...

Ok I've been slacking on my blogging so I will write 2 posts today. These are newborn pics that were taken when Kaycee was 10 days old. I just got the disc so I need to create her birth announcement soon!

Mark Schultz - Everything To Me - story behind the song

I had to post this here-- a must see for all... it really explains how I feel about Kaycee's birth mom!!

One week old

Our baby girl turned one week old today and what an amazing week it has been! We had the opportunity to meet up with Kaycee's birthmom, her birth mom's sister and her daughter yesterday at Bethany Christian Service's office. It was a WONDERFUL first visit!!! KBM's sister was great and I really think she was relieved that she was given an opportunity to meet and hold Kaycee. We spent 2 hours just hanging out and chatting. It was nice and I'm so glad we did it so soon. Our next visit is in February but we may meet up before then if KBM wants to-- I told her to let me know!! She's such a great person and I'm so grateful to her!! I know I posted the above video earlier but I must post it again to explain how incredibly awesome birth moms are!!!

Incredibly Blessed

I've been thinking about this post for a few days and just now have mustered up the energy to write. I actually was hemming and hawing on whether or not to post these details of our past weekend but I decided to so that this may be able to help some of you in the adoption process. It's gonna be a long one....So here it goes.....
My last post I wrote that we were going to go back to the hosp. Sat. afternoon to visit with Kaycee and her birth mom. Right after I posted that I got a call from our adoption agency director that KBM was having a very difficult day and they weren't sure if she wanted us to come. The birth mom counselor was with her for a few hours and then the director went and spent time with her. They called me later and said that she was struggling-- that her sister was very upset by her adoption decision (she hadn't really told her about it) and was giving her a very hard time about the whole thing. They said she was having doubts and to pray hard for her and us. I cried... and prayed... and cried... and prayed... I sent KBM a text telling her I was sorry she was having a rough day and that we loved her. We didn't get to go see Kaycee Saturday and she was set for discharge on Sunday.
Sunday morning we went to church at 8 am. When we came home I went to change my clothes and then I heard my husband Chris talking on the phone. I went to get the boys a change of clothes and Chris looked at me and said "Well here she is-- you two can cry together..." and handed me the phone! It was KBM-- she was sobbing-- and the first thing she said to me was "Will you hate me if I keep her?" My heart sunk, I took a deep breath and said "No-- I won't hate you. Maybe this isn't Kaycee." I proceeded to talk to her for about an hour with a loving heart and truly Divine Intervention-- I kept thinking "What would our social worker say to her???" This is her choice-- this is her daughter--- this is Kaycee's (if it is Kaycee) life. All I could tell her was about the kind of life we could give Kaycee and to think about why she chose adoption for her initially. At the end of our conversation I said "So what'll it be? Should we come or are you going to parent her?" She said "Come on." I breathed a sigh of relief but only a small one for the papers were not yet signed. We actually went out to breakfast with the boys and then got ready to head to the hospital. I sent a text to the birth mom social worker asking her if we were still on and should we come. She texted back "Definitely! She just signed." I then lost it-- sobbing tears-- the runny snot nosed kind that had been dying to be released! (BTW in the State of Florida, when birth mom signs the papers 48 hours after delivery it is all legal and she relinquishes all her rights)
We went to the hospital and got to spend a couple hours with KBM and I was blessed with the opportunity to speak with her sister on the phone and reassure her we would not run away with Kaycee. I told her about our written contract that includes 3 visits a year and photo and written updates. I set up a time this week to meet her at the adoption agency with Kaycee and her birth mom (her sister). That was a gift as her sister was then very happy for all of us-- phew!! After several hours (why do hospital discharges take so darn long??) KBM left and said a tearful good bye to us and we were taken to the nursery to do Kaycee's discharge. We made it home by 7 pm to see a few trick or treaters and introduce the boys to her. That's when we snapped a few of these pictures! So that's it in a nut shell! Now I understand why they say adoption is not for the faint of heart!!!!! We are so incredibly blessed....

Our God is an Awesome God....

Phew! What an AMAZING experience this has been!!!!! Kaycee is absolutely beautiful and her birth mom is so strong! It was a great delivery and we were able to be a part of it all. To make a long story short-- we arrived at the hospital at 7 pm and KBM was resting with epidural in and monitors on.... around 1 am she got ready to push-- I was able to hold her leg, cheer her on and watch the awesome birth while Chris stayed behind the curtain in her room. 1:30 am Kaycee arrived, Chris came out from around the curtain and cut her umbilical cord!! We stayed with her until she was able to be moved into a regular room at 4 am and Kaycee was taken to the nursery for her first bath and vital checks. We went home and slept for a few hours then went back Friday afternoon for a few hours. We were able to cuddle with Kaycee and feed her and visit with KBM. We will head back this afternoon for a few hours and then should be able to bring her home tomorrow morning. Our God is an awesome God He is...... that song has been playing in my head all day...

Here she comes...

So we are in labor and delivery hanging out with KBM--- epidural is in and it's just a matter of time before our baby arrives!!! Sooooo exciting!!!!!

Still Waiting...

Yep-- still waiting for Baby Kaycee to make her debut!! She makes me look at the saying "good things come to those who wait" in a new light!! One day past due date today! KBM had a MD appointment today and her blood pressure was elevated so they sent her to the hospital to be monitored.... and then sent her home!! She has a follow up appointment on Thursday and if Kaycee doesn't arrive by Sunday they will induce Sunday night. So that's the latest-- for now I'll keep cleaning my house and get things organized around here-- oh yeah and enjoy my 8 hours of sleep!!

This is not easy

OK so this waiting for Baby Kaycee to arrive is harder than waiting to be matched/chosen. The anxiety of is all is unnerving from time to time. Some days I'm fine and others well I'm not... I had a minor freak out last weekend b/c I asked KBM to e-mail us after her MD check up last Thurs. just to let us know how it went and how she was feeling. We heard nothing and on Sat. I texted our Birth mom social worker just to make sure everything was ok (did she still like us-- we thought the meeting went great but maybe she didn't-- blah blah blah!) I got a text right away easing my fears and yesterday I got the e-mail I was waiting for! Phew! KBM e-mailed a recent picture of her belly and a picture of a few of her ultrasound pics taken at 7 months. She also told us she had picked out Kaycee's middle name-- we asked her to do this-- Jaselle. Kaycee Jaselle has a beautiful ring to it and a name put together by all of us makes it so very special!! I reasearched some local photographers who specialize in newborn photos and have one set to come to our house within 10 days of Kaycee's birth for a photo shoot!! I'm excited about that too! I'm having fun picking out outfits and buying cute socks and hair bows!! This weekend I am going to Women of Faith in Tampa www.womenoffaith.com Hopefully she'll hold out until after that-- it's a perfect way to get a spiritual fill prior to our daughter's arrival!! The coolest thing about that is Steven Curtis Chapman will be there and he's the reason we started this adoption journey last year!!!!
OK so now I keep busy and wait and I keep my phone on at all times-- she's due in 12 days.... do ta do ta do....

Meeting one amazing woman

Today we met with Kaycee's birth mom (KBM)! I was nervous, excited, anxious and just ready for it by 11 am!! I made a little video of the boys saying a special message to KBM yesterday with my ipod and brought that with us. I also brought a few of my Shutterfly books of the boys to show her my hobby and tell her I'd make ones for Kaycee and I could send her copies if she'd like. I was glad I had those things because they were good icebreakers. She was quiet and teary initially (understandable) but then we just got chatting and it was great! The birth mom counselor was also there along with another social worker to help us if we needed but we really didn't need anything. It was nice to have them there for support though. KBM said she'd have someone call us when she is admitted to the hospital so we can be there when Kaycee is born! I told her I'd be happy to hold her hand during delivery or be outside-- which ever she felt more comfortable! She is such a beautiful person inside and out and we are sooooo blessed!! Now we try to get things organized around here and wait for the call that Kaycee is on her way! God is GREAT!!!

WE ARE CHOSEN!!!!!!

Oh my gosh we got "The call" today! A moment I will never forget!!! Our birthmom counselor called and told us that she showed our profile (along with 4 others) this morning to a Birthmom due October 24 and she loved us and chose us to adopt her baby girl! We will meet her next Wednesday morning! I am so excited and full of emotions! Part of me is afraid to be too excited because nothing is a done deal until the baby is in our arms and home but this is just awesome!! Good thing I rearranged rooms last weekend and the nursery is almost ready! YEAH GOD!!!!!!!

Intuition or inquisitive??

So my 4 year old, Luke, keep asking when Jesus is bring baby Kaycee to us. He's been asking why she isn't in my tummy and how she will get to us. Yesterday he said, "Mom I really want baby Kaycee to come to us real soon! I know she'll be sooo cute!" Perhaps this is all because his friend Ava's mommy just had a baby last week but perhaps the angels are are whispering something in his ears! Who knows! We prayed for her and her birth mommy several times last night and this morning! He's so cute! I can't wait til we all meet her for the first time--- for know only God knows when that will be!!

While we wait

Since I gave all our baby stuff to the Women's Pregnancy Crisis Center 2 years ago I am now collecting things again. Yesterday I got a couple great finds off Craigslist!! I got a cute mobile for the crib, a play mat (same exact one we had before because I love it!) and an awesome leather glider! I'm most excited about the glider! It'll be great for those late night feedings and to cuddle and sing to my little girl!!
For now we wait-- there are several birth mommies due this fall and winter so we shall see if one is carrying our Kaycee girl. Until then we remember who is in charge when we hear this song...

Just wondering

So I've been thinking we may (or may not) have a baby girl by Christmas! How cool would that be??!! Our agency sent up update that they are currently working with 6 birth moms due this fall and winter. We can't help but wonder-- will one of these be our Kaycee's birth mommy??
We are keeping real busy and we are grateful for all we have and the blessing of our wonderful adoption agency. Proverbs 16:9 says "The human mind plans the way but the Lord directs the steps."
God has a plan and for today I'm just wondering.....

Not our girl this time...

Well, it turns out the birth mom canceled her appointment today and has not rescheduled it yet. I'm so okay with this but I do understand now how people have said "adoption is not for the faint of heart." I have an incredible peace about this and feel blessed to have been surrounded by so many prayers. Perhaps these prayers gave the birth mom the strength she needed today to choose to keep parenting and what a blessing for that baby!! I know our Kaycee will be presented to us at just the right time. For now this was like Braxton Hicks contractions-- not the real thing but just a little something to get you excited for a few minutes!!

Do ta do ta do

Ok so I feel like that stage of pregnancy where I think: "Will the doctor induce me tomorrow-- could tomorrow be the day our baby comes..." Not likely that we would get her tomorrow anyhow but we SHOULD know something tomorrow night. Geeze-- I have a super busy work day tomorrow which is good to keep my mind off of it all! Today I had such a peace about the whole thing-- either way it's all good. When I do think about it and imagine what she looks like and all I get excited and giddy!! Ok-- gotta stop thinking about it and keep turning it over to God for He is in control of this situation... do ta do ta do ta do...
Here are some of the new books we got about adoption for the kids: God Found Us You, A Mother for Choco, A Blessing from Above and tonight we read The Little Green Goose! I wanted to share images of the books but haven't figured out how to do that!!
Ok now let's see if I can sleep tonight-- might need to listen to a meditation CD...

Patience...

So today we heard some more info on the young birthmom and her situation. She has a meeting with her social worker on Friday at 2pm and that's when she may be shown our profile-- seems it's little more complicated that I originally thought as the state is involved also.... I pray for patience and know that if this is our Kaycee I'm prepared with diapers, bottles, car seat, crib and a couple outfits for her!!

Kaycee-- is this you??

So we have had our daughter's name picked out for a couple months: Kaycee (K= Kierstin C= Chris) and having the birthmom pick the middle name. We pray for Kaycee and her birthmom every day and we know God has her picked out for us. So.... we got a call from our social worker tonight and she said she wants to send our profile to a birthmom who has a 2 month old African American baby girl and has decided she needs to place her with an adoptive family. OK so I'm trying so hard not to get too excited as we could possibly have our lil' Kaycee home with us as soon as this weekend! Ahhhhhhh!!!! How exciting!! Ok- but it may not be Kaycee and this babygirl may be someone else's adoptive baby girl so for now we are just praying for the birthmom, the baby girl and everyone involved in this situation. We are asking you all to pray for this baby girl and especially her birthmom as her heart must be breaking right now with this decision. God has amazing strength and will bring her through this... as for us we wonder tonight--- is this our Kaycee?????

"Paper pregnant"

So now we are "paper pregnant" (I read that term on another blog and thought it was cute!) No we are not matched or anything but all our paperwork is in so we wait....
We are getting things ready for a new baby in our home. Since I got rid of all my baby stuff, we have to start over!! Chris and Luke set up our new crib and stroller this weekend. I just want to have things ready even though it could be a long wait-- I don't want to set it up when we get matched and then possibly be disappointed if something doesn't work out. This way it is set up for whenever she arrives!! My friend and neighbor, Joy told me she wants to have a baby shower for us! So sweet and exciting! I told her I would prefer a "Meet the baby" shower after we have officially adopted-- again so we don't set ourselves up for disappointment. It's never a done deal until papers are signed and a baby is in our home. Heck, no one has looked at our profile yet since it's only been a week!! I'm in that mode of wanting to be prepared but not too much!! Does that make sense?? I did buy some bottles and a few onsies and a car seat too... Tee-hee!!

What is a Semi-Open adoption??

We have been asked about our adoption and different elements. We have chosen to opt for a semi-open adoption after educating ourselves on the different types (open, semi-open & closed). Here is some information on semi-open adoption...

Common Elements of Semi-open Infant Adoption

* The expectant parents choose a family from written, non-identifying profiles.
* An adoption agency or third party mediates the contact between the parties before and after the birth.
* Birthparents and adoptive parents know each other only by their first names.
* Adoptive parents may be present at the birth and may have met the birthparents before the birth.
* All correspondence is sent through the adoption agency or third party.
* Post-placement meetings are arranged and supervised by the mediator.
* Adoptive parents often share the child's pictures and letters with the birthparents, but may also include gifts, videotapes, etc.


Advantages

The advantage of semi-open infant adoption is that both families have the opportunity to develop a relationship over time. A semi-open adoption gives everyone the freedom to communicate with the assistance of a trained mediator.

Perhaps the greatest advantage of this plan lies in the area of sharing information. In semi-open infant adoptions, current information can be passed on with ease, over time. A child's adoption story continues beyond birth, and his or her questions can be answered as they arise.

So there you have it!! :)

OFFICIALLY WAITING!!!

I'm so excited-- we are officially in the "waiting stage!" I went on Bethany's website tonight and saw our profile with video on it so it really feels real!! We have planned several things for over the next several months so we don't put our life "on hold" while we wait but everything can be changed if needed! We are praying for our little girl(s) that God has chosen for us and her birthmom on their journey to our connection. So now we wait...

Adoption book

Click here to view this photo book larger

With our adoption agency, the birth parents choose the adoptive parents and meet them prior to the birth. They are often given around 5 profile books to look at depending on if they match the adoptive parents desires (ethnicity, gender, openness of adoption, etc.). This is the book we made! Enjoy!

Mac Powell Family Testimony

OK last post for today. This one is a little longer than the previous one but this is awesome too! We love Third Day and had no idea that they adopted through Bethany Christian Services last year!! Soooo cool!

Mark Schultz - Everything To Me - story behind the song

Amazing video-- I love this guy!! He says it all!!!

Our Video

So I think I might be able to do this thing! Yeah!! I'm going to attach our video that we made for the Bethany Christian Services Website and we also put in our profile book for birth parents to view. We are hoping to do a semi-open adoption. This means that the birth parents will choose us from several couples. We will meet them and possibly be able to be a part of doctors appointments and even the delivery (if she wants us to). We will send pictures and updates to our agency several times within the first year and we will also meet up with the birth parents at least once in a neutral location with our social workers present within the first year. The one thing we LOVE about domestic adoption and about Bethany is the amount of counseling and support the birth parents receive. They really empahsize this and we have become more aware of how absolutely amazing the birth moms are to allow us to adopt their child. Anyhow, before I get teary again-- I will stop for now and let you view our video! Enjoy!

Here it goes... June 2010

So I'm trying this whole thing out-- the blog thing I mean. I absolutely LOVE reading other people's adoption blogs. I find most of them very inspiring! I'm not sure if I have my whole layout right and can't quite figure out how to fix the settings so not sure how this will go. I'm going to post this and if it looks ok then I will tell our story for any random friend or family member that wants to see how things are going with our adoption process. Soooo here it goes!!!!!